What's in a name?

So, now I posted about my weight (still trying to figure out what compelled me to do that), that got me to thinking about what I'd name my extra-large appendages. Take for instance, my bottom. It leaves indentations in my chair at work. It jiggles now. It has dimples, dammit. I think I'll name her Shirley Temple.

My arms. They're too large for those cute little women's tees that are fit to flatter. They just make my arms look larger. Retailers suck. I used to have firm muscled up arms that I liked to flex and show off (to myself in the mirror). Now I watch them wiggle in the mornings while I do my hair. They make me hate sleeveless tops (my favorites). I think I'll name them Gigli and Jugli - pronounced Gee-lee and Juu-lee but looks like giggly and juggly - appropriate.

My boobs. No, I'm not going to name them. But the cleavage they create is no longer appealing and has become downright disturbing. It's like a deep crevace that I could loose something in...like a car. That same little tee mentioned above that doesn't help my arms, doesn't exactly grace my bustier either. I saw a photo from Christmas...I cringed. It reminded of me of someone who couldn't afford a bra...but I had one on. An expensive one. Victoria's Secret, my ass. So, I think I'll name my decolletage The Queen because she's right up there in front for everyone to see...and she ain't that pretty to look at.

My legs and thighs. You know I was going here...every woman does. The thighs have dimples, too. I think they're in collaboration with Shirley. They rub together now. When I fit in size zero jeans, I thought my legs were "fat". Stupid stupid stupid. Now I know my legs are fat. And my thighs set above my calves. Those calves that used to be so toned now look...uh...like bread dough hanging off the hook, to be honest. So, playing off the food theme, I will name my legs/thighs, Mrs. Baird and Sara Lee.

And last, but not least, my new chin. Yes, the one beneath the one actually attached to my jaw. My new chin is very pliable and likes to hang around. She really loves to show up in pictures. If I stretch my neck way out, I can make her disappear, but then she comes back with a vengeance. She reminds me of my mother and grandmother. I think it's inherited. I had hoped to keep her at bay until I was at least 89 years old. So, on the family theme, I'll name her after my great grandmother...Maude....the one that I think started this whole chin thing.

There you have it. These ladies are the ones that would like to kick out of my life...Shirley, Gigli, Jugli, The Queen, Mrs. Baird, Sara Lee, and Maude.