I have all sorts of thoughts running through my head this day after Christmas, so I'm going to sort them into piles and do a couple of posts to cover all the bases. Besides, maybe if I break up my rambling someone might be more prone to actually read it.
Christmas...I missed being in my hometown at our little white clapboard church with the historical marker out front. I missed being there for Christmas Eve service and communion with everyone singing out of tune with our little organ...and then lighting those little white candles that we've used for the past ten years (the same candles). Something inside of me hurts when I think of not being there this year and last.
This entire month of December has flown by and nothing has felt like Christmas. I feel cheated and I feel like I cheated myself and my family. The true meaning of Christmas is in the little child who was born in a manger and we totally missed that this year. I mean, yeah, in our hearts and minds we know the reason, but we didn't honor it. I didn't even set up my nativity because our kitchen table was such an utter disaster of mail and groceries and general crap. (and what's that sticky spot???) I got our little Christmas tree set up last Sunday and didn't completely enjoy that because it wasn't "us" setting it up. It was almost a chore rather than a pleasure. That's my fault and yet I feel like it's not completely not my fault. As if somehow through all of the work, daycare, illnesses, and general lack of time-off that we've been robbed of something this season.
I could blame it on society...I could blame it on work...I could even try to blame it on that general first year chaos of having a baby. But I know that inevitably it comes back to me...to us. We are supposed to be in control of our lives...not our lives running us. I needed to sit down and make this season a priority. I needed to make it important for us to set up our tree and nativity early in the season and then take the time to enjoy it and reflect upon the meaning of Christmas. Does the baby know the difference? No - he really didn't even "get" the whole 'gift thing' this year. But I know the difference and my husband knows the difference, and next year, we're doing it right.
3 comments:
I want people to say, "When can we send time together," and not, "when are we exchanging gifts?"
Knot
You are 100% right! The season seemed to rush by and for all the wrong reasons!
Ugh! So sorry that your christmas was like that this year. That's how mine was last year...I just wanted to get through them instead of enjoying them like I usually do. I hope next year is better for you! And it's probably better if you don't ask what that sticky spot is! :P
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