netti pots, nasal passages, and the fires of hell

This past weekend my sinuses started acting up again. It's allergy season in north Texas. I thought I could brave through this one, but after blowing my nose yesterday I realized that there was more going on in my head than I realized. We had to make a Target run yesterday for an assortment of groceries and I grabbed a few bottles of nasal saline solution. After we settled into some semblance of a before bedtime routine, I grabbed my saline bottle and headed to the bathroom to rinse out my nose.

I flooded both sides of my sinuses with little to no fluid getting across to the other side.

"Ah ha!", I thought, "My sinuses are blocked! damn."

I set the saline bottle back under the counter and commenced to blowing enough water out of my nose to make Hoover Dam look like a wuss.

"Geez! Where's all this water coming from?" more nose blowing.

"Sweety? you okay?", my husband called from his seat on our bed where he's scanning the internet and the baby is watching Wow Wow Wubbzy.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I think my sinuses are plugged up and now they kind of sting."

So I keep blowing my nose and go to the kitchen to get a drink of water, only to realize that the more time that elapses from my last sinus rinse the more my sinuses go from stinging to burning.

"Oooooohhh crap! This hurts!" As I walk around the kitchen in circles wondering what I just did to my head. "Maybe I should sneeze"...so I stick my head under the brightest light I can find...achoo! achoo! achoo! more nose blowing. "THIS BURNS!!!"

At this point, I know exactly where my sinus cavities are in my head because I can acutely feel every surface of them burning as if I had snorted jalepeno juice...and I'm STILL blowing water out of my nose. "Maybe if I hang my head upside down..." and I fold in half and strike a yoga pose that would make Denise Austin proud. About this time, my husband walks in with K-man who is wanting more "nilk".

Him - "Are you okay?"

Kelton - "nilk! nilk! Maaaaa!!! moy nilk!!"

Me with my head hanging upside down, "Yeah! why?"

Him - "Because you're upside down"

Kelton - "maaaa!!! cars? cars? nilk!"

Me, a little irritated - "I'm FINE! My sinuses are BURNING!"

Him - "What did you put in your nose?" (Like I'd put something up there that wasn't supposed to be there???)

Me, more than a little irritated because now not only are sinuses burning but my ears are clogging up and my head is pounding - I hissed out "Ssssaline sssssolution!" as I flipped my head back up and glared him through my agony.

Him, eyes popping wide open and grabbing our child - "oooo...oookay!" and he hustles out of the room.

By now, my sinuses are in the full throws of assaulting the so-called saline solution I had put in them, which meant that snot was filling every available cavity and the tissue was swelling. Oh the pain! The burning! the swelling! the pounding in my ears! Who the hell puts water in their nose???? Not me! never ever ever again!

I staggered back to our room and stared at my guys through teary eyes - not from crying, mind you, but because I couldn't stop them from watering by now. "I'm gonna take a shower". "Okay", he says, as he makes a strained attempt to keep from staring at my face. "are you okay?" "I'M FFFFFINE!!" as I stagger back to our shower in the hopes that hot steam will reconcile my sinuses back to something remotely bearable.

The hot steam did wonders as did the flaming hot wash rage I kept plastered on my face. From there, I crawled into bed wondering if I did permanent damage. I woke up this morning and blew my nose for 5 minutes. The stinging is gone. The pressure is still a little there. And the bottle of saline solution?? It's in trash.