The Waiting Game Starts

Back in October I posted THIS about K-man's gastroenterologist sending us on an emotional rollercoaster over the size of his head. At the time, although his head measured large (as it always had) the rate of growth was normal. In the past three months, that rate of growth has taken a few jumps. Enough of a change to cause some concern with our pediatrician and we have an MRI scheduled for next Wednesday.

While worrying about the MRI results is enough to cause me to go into a vegetative state over the next ten days, what is really bothering me is the impending IV that they will have to do in order to sedate him. Do you get that? They're going to put my baby to sleep. That scares the hell out of me. It's not complete sedation where they have to take over his breathing, but it is still sedation. My baby won't have complete control over his body. The imaging will take a minimum of 45 minutes to an hour to get the pictures they need. Those drugs will be going into my child for at least that length of time. From what little we've been told so far, he can't have any food or drink for 6 hours beforehand and we don't know if we'll be the first ones in the morning or not. That's not their problem, though, is it?

Our last, and only, encounter with an IV and K-man was last year on one of our emergency room visits. The baby had been throwing up constantly and was dehydrated. They were doing an IV to get a blood sample, get fluids in him, and to get some antibiotics in him. I wrote about it HERE. I don't want to go through that again...I don't want him to go through that again. I hate this. I hate being the bystander. Why can't I just take the IV for him? Or just do his test for him? I already want to go in there and get in the face of every nurse and doctor and tell them that they better be on their A-game or else....or else I'll crumble into an absolute sobbing heap beause there's not a damn thing I can do to help my baby except just be there.

And no matter how much I want to wallow in worry and self pitty and pitty for my child, I just can't. I have no right because I know there are other families out there who are traveling much harder roads than we are right now. We are incredibly blessed and thankful for such. And we know and believe that no matter what path we are on or about to be on, that God is in control. So we reside in that and pray and watch and wait.